King Abdullah dies at 90. His successor is 79. I hope that’s not his son, or that is one ghetto king. Do the math. Creepy. Otherwise, it’s one really old goat being replaced by another old goat.
I know posting this probably goes against everything I believe in by going after a story, rather than the story within the story, but I’m also a huge attention whore, so if you’re interested, take a gander. I recommend for a head explosion or some comedy, skip to the 2nd clip and hear what the Republicans have to say about the Speech. You can probably predict everything, though. Obama in a room full of gun-loving Republicans sounds dangerously close to Mississippi Burning all over again.
And I still have to wear a mask at work. The least they could do was let me wear a Guy Fawkes mask, but instead I have to look like one of those creepy perverts from Eyes Wide Shut. I should just wear a black cloak with nothing underneath and freak everyone out.
1. The fire alarm goes off in your building and doesn’t stop for nearly half an hour. Not only are your ears about to explode, the elevators don’t work, so there’s no escape. The noise, that is. It’s probably a false alarm anyway.
2. You have a sexy lady knock on your door, selling something. You sneeze a massive snot-ball in her hair before you get a chance to turn on the “charm.”
3. People tell you you’re not really that sick and you should go to work. You hock a loogie on their sweater.
4. George Carlin comes back from the dead as your guardian angel, but being touched by an atheist doesn’t work. You’re still sick. And George bailed on you to smoke some weed.
5. You turn on the TV and it’s the Food Network.
6. You wake up in a sea of used kleenex’s.
7. The toilet is broken, but you had to use it anyway. The shower doesn’t work either, so try not to crap your pants.
8. You get a phone call from some nimrod who wants you to complete a survey on food intake and bowel movements.
9. You live a block from the entertainment district and it’s a 2 AM on a Friday night.
10. You blow your nose and it causes you to crap your pants.