If you’re liberal, you may in fact relate to this more than a “Christian Conservative.” In other words, Elizabeth Warren may get it more than Rick Santorum. I am also assuming, based on historical evidence, that Jesus Christ really lived – whether he performed miracles or rose from the dead is not up for debate below.
1. Jesus was the first feminist. At a time when it was only customary for men to talk to women for the purpose of getting laid (wait – just like now!), Jesus, like, ladies, your best gay friend, just wanted to converse and help make the lives of women better. Would Jesus actually attend the Pride Parade? And what kind of stud can get a woman willingly to wash their feet without asking or even hinting?
2. He never mentions anything about “social issues.” He rarely judged anyone. He doesn’t even mention homosexuality or abortion. That’s in the Old Testament.
3. He fought for “the least of these,” the opposite of what the proponents of trickle down economics (Christian Conservatives) do.
4. Jesus indeed had a best girlfriend. I don’t believe there was anything particularly romantic between them (though I really can’t speak for Mary Magdalene – she was a little messed up. Ex-prostitute, etc etc).
5. Every gift Jesus gave (healing, food, etc) was given without expectation of return. Seeing people happy and living their lives for each other as much as themselves was good enough for him.
6. He felt pain, just like the rest of us.
7. He enjoyed a glass of wine. “A little wine for thy stomach’s sake.”
8. If the word “kannebosm” is to be understood by myself, Jesus was a pretty hip dude and maybe we should ponder that when discussing treatment for things like cancer.
9. Women, as referenced in #1, loved the guy. He was, if anything, almost metrosexual. He actually CARED about what these chicks had to say.
10. The only time he ever seemed to get really angry was when the bankers tried to take over the temple. Then he went bad ass on them and wrecked the place. We could use him now against the Rothschild Global Banking System.